some bed epiphany

In need of a new header.

Inspiration, where are you?

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Uncertain about medschool.


















































































































































































































There I said it.

Too denial with myself.

The thought of it makes me up for the past few nights of my vacation already.

It makes me go cray.

So many thoughts too process.

Is this what they say, the midlife crisis? or in my case,  the "Med-life" crisis.

God help me

I miss you, We miss you

My dog, Suri passed away last december 2, 2013. We (me, 2 cousins, sister, parents) are all shocked about the news from her vet. It was really unexpected since the reason of her confinement (november 30, 2013) was just an upper respiratory tract infection, her lungs was clear, no crackles and all. Morning, the day of her death, her vet texted me that she was positive to Ehcliria. I'm not panicky and all, since I know she is on her way to recovery, I just asked what is all about and how to cure it, blahblahblah. 

To fast-forward...

At four in the afternoon, my phone keeps on ringing. It's been a habit of mine to not answer calls from an unknown number. Three calls from unregistered number when finally it stopped. That's when I received a text, " ma'am sorry po, hindi na po kinaya ni suri. bumigay na po siya". I was the very first to be informed, I was very shocked, I couldn't believe it. I was just asking my mom earlier when will Suri be home. I can't answer right away, I lost words, for that minute I was desperately hoping for a text that it was just some  joke or if there's a miracle to happened that Suri will wake  up.I waited for a minute,  And, then there's a ring, from the same number that was calling me a while ago. I wipe my tears that already flowed from my eyes and answer, 

" hello", eager for an answer, " doc, ano pong nangyari? bakit siya namatay? diba nakadextrose naman siya? hindi ba siya lumakas doon?"

"ma'am, tumae na po siya ng dugo. Natulog lang po siya kanina tapos hindi na nagising. pakikuha nalang po siya dito".

I can't think of words, my minds' on columbus clouds, I have no energy to argue or to debate whether who's fault or to blame them on Suri's death. But, I can't stop thinking about it, my guts tell me it's there fault, my gosh, i need someone to blame! I can't loss my baby Suri just like that. I'm filled with so much emotions: anger, love, desperation, hope, etc. 

She should be turning 6months this December 09, 2013. I had plans, but none of that would happen because of what happened. It saddened all of us that knows and play with Suri. She was very energetic there's never a dull moment, very malambing- she always wants to be tickled in her belly, vain- always looking herself on the mirror, alarm clock- always jumps on the bed every morning to wake up her ates. Oh, suri. 

I'm having lump in my throat right now. I miss you so much baby. Kuya bucho is so tamad, always sleeping all day, all night but I know he misses you, too. He keeps on looking for you when he heard your bark on the video you two were playing months back.

Baby Suri, I can never look into your bright wide eyes again. I can never hear your annoying barks. I can never play with you again. No one will playbite my hair when I'm exercising and reenact what I'm doing during the stretching. Oh, baby... that thought of you doing what I am doing, twirling your head like what I'm doing made me smile, how I wish I captured that moment. I never thought it was the last. it was our last.

I miss you so much baby. No one can replace you.
Your mommy Blondie is preggy, by the way.
I will buy one of her pup, your siblings just so i will not miss you this much, it breaks my heart.

xoxo

ps: 
Baby, your passing taught me 3 things
1. spend quality time with the ones you love
2. treasure every moment you are with them
3. take as much photos no matter how ugly it will be

Self notes (7)

There is no harm by trying. Remember that.

Medicine (1)

Deep inside I know that I really wanna be a Doctor. I will not shed tears into something I hate from the very start. The sailing will be not as smooth as sailing into calm waters. but in the end, I know. I just know, it'll be all worth it. 

thoughts (1)

I heard from someone years back, that "signs" aren't come from God and therefore people should not be asking "signs". But, what if it's the only hope you can guarantee yourself whether the thing you're heading to is the right path?

I asked for signs, not specific, just random ones before I continue this journey. But, in the middle of it, things change continually, and  don't know whether the answers given to me before are still applicable at the moment.

God help me.
I am in deep trouble.

xx

Self notes (6)

“Your heart just breaks, that's all. But you can't judge or point fingers." - A.H

Retail therapy (1)

self notes (5)

when worst comes to worst, you can not depend on anyone but yourself.

He is

While I am in the middle of giving up-and-holding on scenario in my mind, this phrase suddenly appears in my facebook page, "God made you as a person of excellence. He is calling you to a higher standard so He can take you places you’ve never dreamed of".

Oh, the irony of life. It is hard to hold on when you feel like giving up and it is hard to give it up when you still want to hold on.

God help me.
xx.

source: Joel Osteen ministries FB

Some bed epiphanies

I want a simple, uncomplicated life. And then I want growth. Do I make any sense?

Self notes (4)

There comes a time when you just have reached the point. And, no matter what you do to bring back the spark, you just can't.

Lolo

                                

Scenarios like this, makes me no regret why I chose nursing to be my profession. 

TLC,wutt? That's what we do! :)

xx

Like the ol' man says

                          

when the plate doens't fit, call a hole-man

My friend here was trying to help me install my plate. Unfortunately, the plate hole and the car hole doesn't match. Do I need to go to the nearest ford the following day to have it installed. so much hassle. but not to mention, I had fun that night, another reunion with my Bbabies- gotta love.

something I should have done right from the start

Those nights with starless sky

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self notes (3)

" how long will you be hurting for you not to feel the hurt anymore?" 

"how severe the pain should be until you've become numbed not to feel it anymore?"

self notes (2)

I hate being uncertain in almost everything. my life, career, love, all of makes a human life worth living.

I feel happy, what about you?

Because truth be told, you're the only one who can make my stomach turn upside-down and turned my day into a little more bright.

you can't be mad, when you are this hahahapppyyyy :)

some case of,

stomach meets butterflies, 

and, wobbling legs. <3 p="">

self notes (1)

"where did I go wrong?"
" In almost every way possible"

The Monster

Eminem x bad gal Riri, srzly? wow, that is somewhat awesome.
Hear the song, herehere.

heartbreaker

You hurt me like no one ever hurt me before,  the pain you're giving me I can't seem to endure. Is this the price that I should pay? For dreaming so high, I must've lost the sight.

You made me laugh, at the same time cry, You're pushing the limit of my bipolar self into try. I don't know how long will I able to hold on, when everyday, I can't even moved on.

I lost count the number of times do I feel like quitting, but I always remember what my daddy said that, " the hardest is always the beginning". I'm holding on to the thought to keep me going this far, eager to see the ending waiting on the other end of the line.


xx

ps: This song of Miley C. explains what I'm feelin' right about now.

g-shock x new era

so to say I'm in love with this is an understatement

nike x janoski

I am literally blaming my sister for this sneaker thing influenced. And, I die when I saw this collaboration of Stefan Janoski with the Nike co.. Not that I am a huge fan of skating ( but I kinda like someone who likes skating and actually do skate) haa... but the designs where really that amazing. perfect for casual days, lazy days and what not.

Moments like this that I wish I lived in another country where there are unlimited nike Janoski designs to choose from. Oh life :)

xx

ECN ver.2013

I love the crepe!!! It's Worth the price :)

First few friends during college. We have grown a lot , walk into different paths. But we manage to keep the friendship that we have started last June 2006 :)

A lot of reminiscing happened. Isn't it a feel good  if you remember the funnyweird things you did during your adolescent ? HAA. I miss being a teenage no drama with this cray people

xx

Retail therapy (2)

Just another pick-me-uppe pieces I recently got :)

boys are back

i love them boys forever!!!

Retail therapy (1)

Impulse buys :)

one day you care, it's so unfair

current tunage. been playing in my laptop, iphone and ipad.

X,
krysteen

PS: I like the clean version more. the sexiness of the melody just soothes me. here.

Blessed

                

   

 Thank you Papa God for giving me more than what i deserved

#retailtherapy: essentials, srzly!

<3 td="">

favorite

i love freebies!!!:)

searching for the right face powder. finally, I found the one

#retailtherapy: laking national

National bookstore is my instant pick me upper place.

I picked a few items that could add up to my pen collection.

#retailtherapy: cheap thrills

...Random posting never gets old...

 Days ago, I was browsing through my old "impulse buys" posts and realized its been EONS since the last time I made one. So, here are my today's impulse buys, thought I'd share. =)  

I originally wanted to have a leopard-printed scarf, this ones' the closest I can get. 

HASHTAG: half-satisfied

I'm going gaga over chilled-orange color top

My current favorite nail varnishes. Literally a cheap thrill!!!! :) 

Here's a funny story: I've been obsessed with hair doctor's rotating tooth combs since I learned how to comb ( kinda mandatory thing for women, ERRR...) not that I LOVE combing my hair, actually , NOOOOO, I like it to be buhaghag and let the wind take care of it but its just out of the Q if you wanted to be presentable like that. EFFFF'.

 Going back, this one is probably my 15th pair of HDC. I was not able to keep all those. There's only two HDC left with me. I get a little OC when there's bend in the tooth or the end of the comb got broken or when the handle of the comb do not says "made in the u.s.a"  I get a little bored and got me another one  which I called " this is the one".  hee

xx

Just

PUSH

when driving ain't cool

When I was a little girl, I am dreaming to be an independent young lady when I grow up. Growing up, my experiences taught me to be like one but at the same time some forces are pulling me back to my save point. I'm doing what I can do to be the girl of my dreams. I am taking baby steps towards achieving my dreams, from being the party girl to passing the board exam to studying medicine to learn how to drive and to have my own ride.

I rmb during those late 90's afternoon after school, I jump in to my grand father's car to play driver. The engine was off, ofcourse. Imagining what was it like to be really on the road and your hands on the steering wheel. maneuvering.  

Fast forward, a decade after that, I enrolled into a driving school, I learned the basics of driving. That is when I realized that driving isn't just driving, it requires skills and consciousness and and, complete sanity. 

My parents bought me  wheels a week after I learned how to drive to continue what I've learned from the driving school that I was enrolled to. When the car was delivered, I can't get too excited because of the fear that I'm feeling. I guess, most of newbie drivers feels the same way too.

I practiced everyday with the help of our two drivers. Thank God for their patience , or else.... I'll definitely go bonkers.

Everyday practiced helped me to improved my driving skills, but it doesn't take away my fear to be alone in the road full of horning, speeding cars.

I searched for feeds, zen driving, expieriences of other fellow newbie drivers over the intraweb to ease my fears. It helped me calm down a bit.  And, like the Ol' saying goes, " be shopping your inspiration for driving". And, I say, It works for me, though my first experience wasn't as good and easy as it appears to be.

But, after a month of driving, even if I'm itching to drive alone, my fears won't let me. I want to learn to be independent on the road. I want to go to whatever land place I am itching to be. I need to build my road confidence, but my fear won't let me. 

confidence. fear
confidence. on the road. a must.

Xx,