Currently in need of a massive update

Hello, you!

I started blogging back in 2010. I just graduated from college then and had all the time in the world  to spare so I give blogging a try. Got addicted to it, spent most of my nights arranging it, writing post and what not. But ever since I entered medschool, things have change. MASSIVE CHANGE. I gradually detach myself from the cyberworld (okay, except facebook and instagram), write fewer and fewer blogpost each year. Now that I turned a year older, I want a rebirth of my blog because It is where I express my feelings, thoughts, experiences and frustrations in life so it saddened me to see it go down. It gets boring every year and I need an inspiration to uplift it.  ( Parang walang connect yung pagtanda ko sa reason ng pag-update ng blog) anyways.... LELZ

When Life throws you Lemons...

"Walk, fall down, get back up again, repeat". 

Then.

" sweet memory of the past will continue to hunt you for the rest of your life."

She misses the old days,

The nostalgic feeling it brings.

Lots of memories to ponder,

Now and then.

Theperson that made her happy,

The person that made her cry.

All part of the past,

She can't get away by.

Easily.

Yes, God winks.

Just got a good news, yday. I'm not giving all my hopes, but I'm praying for it to happen. 

self notes (2)

I hate being uncertain in almost everything. my life, career, love, all of makes a human life worth living.

self notes (1)

"where did I go wrong?"
" In almost every way possible"

heartbreaker

You hurt me like no one ever hurt me before,  the pain you're giving me I can't seem to endure. Is this the price that I should pay? For dreaming so high, I must've lost the sight.

You made me laugh, at the same time cry, You're pushing the limit of my bipolar self into try. I don't know how long will I able to hold on, when everyday, I can't even moved on.

I lost count the number of times do I feel like quitting, but I always remember what my daddy said that, " the hardest is always the beginning". I'm holding on to the thought to keep me going this far, eager to see the ending waiting on the other end of the line.


xx

ps: This song of Miley C. explains what I'm feelin' right about now.

damsel X knight

Can you save a Damsel in Distress? Is there such a thing like that of what we've read in "magic" book pages when we were a little kid? Every girl dreams to be rescued by a Prince in whatever ride in one point of their life. Even the toughest girls, Ohpleasedon'tdeny. 

Doctor, who?

Something I find inspiring, to keep me going. =)

"Be a Doctor? So you gonna study medicine?" 

"Well, Yes. It is a childhood dream that I wanna turn into reality. It's a profession that fascinates me."

"Are you sure? It will take you five-years or more"..

"I have made my decision, I haven't been so sure in my life than this. I don't want regrets. I'm gonna give it a shot, and besidse... I can only envisioned myself wearing white with steth hanging in my neck, treating patients regardless of how much I'm going to sacrifice for myself."

" uhmmm, I can't argue with you as you appeared to be very sure and confident with your decision. I just wanna remind you and should you keep this in mind that studying medicine and being a doctor is like a rollah-coasta ride. It can make you lowest of lows and highest of highs. It can be speedy at times,  but just enjoy the ride. It can be bumpy, but don't loose your grip".

and then she "sigh!"

falling down the rabbithole

Realization hits, but its too late. When will I learn, when all else fails? I thought I graduated from the feeling I felt over a year ago. But I'm wrong, really wrong.

lost

I can't described in words or by any means about what I felt inside of me right about now. I kind of lost in my own lil' world.

Sometimes, to think made it more worst than not to think about it at all and just act with my impulse.

I needed my energy-boosters: shopping, vanity, make-up, and a glamorous pink lipstick! gimme gimme

sisters from another misters

I'm so psyched thinking that I will get another chance to spend quality time with two of my few best gal pals.

We've met in college, we have been friends together since. We see everyday at school (even after school, "bottle" moments.. ugetit? lol), we share chikka's, countless lols, and what not. 

fast forward, separation anxiety comes into play when we graduated. We walked on different paths, one leave the country for good, we rarely saw each other since then. 

Everytime we got a rare chance to be together, we assure its going to be worth it, full of fun and stories that has been itching to be told. 

Coming back to the present. Good ol' friends lightens up the mood when things overshadow with doom (and in my case, its MedSchool). It always calms me just thinking that I have them behind me. Ready to catch me when I fall, Assist me when I get weak, listens to me when I needed someone to listen to me ranting and what others a good pal will do. 

unclear.

WARNING: This is random!


How I miss my good ol' friend.The "friend" where I can let my emotions out without the fear to be criticize... simply, cos' it can't talk like that. LOLJK. nuff with the non-sense intro.

I miss blogging, it's something that I took for granted in EONS. There's so much I should've blog about, from the day I started working on my first ever work experienced up to the life-wrecking decision that I made. TO SUM IT UP, there are so many things that I wanna breath-out my system but chose to hold-it for this long 'cos I can't find words how to say it. how to express it. maybe 'cos of exhaustion almost from everything.

Pictures stored in my internal HD, and words stuck in my head. when can I let it all out? perfectly? I don't know. Anxiety goes up every sunshine, ( I am a freshman, medStudent. just so you know where I'm getting all my anxiety, stress, depression and the like. it's no joke.... no joke) , feeling of hopelessness feeds me brekky, frustrations, pressures adds up to the bitterness of my morning. 


I'm quite proud of myself that I can able to control my bed epiphanies at this point in time, but then I realized that the "just woke-up" bed epiphanies is much worst that that. It's more of reality, Facing reality... whatever....


There's sooooo much things that I need to learn. and read! All but something new to me. No dissensitation at all, no gradual process. It's an "absorb it" or "not at all" thing that should happened in a snap. It's difficult, 'cos it doesn't ring a bell at all. 


I'm losing control of whats happening in my life right now, even writing on my planner has been a major task. I know they'll say that best thing happens unplanned. but this kind of "life" i chose should always be on plan or else.... it's like the domino effect, all else will fall and wrecked.

I never learned time management. That's what I'm paying for it right about now. It's hard if you're not sanay at all. but I just have too. It's part of the progress, my progress, for my better tomorrow.

I know God's with me, family and friends who's praying for me. My faith bent a bit forward at times when I lose it, this whole thing is driving me wildly insane. I'm trying to keep my life on track and hope that when I woke-up all my craziness, dilemmas and what not will fade with my dreams.

MedSchool is suicide. believe me. but it'll be worth it. I know. Someday, I'll read about this post with a sweet smile on my face. I'm excited for that day to come. just like when I rant about my upcoming NLE here two years ago, I'm already a nurse. :)

sweetlife. hugs!
okay, back to reality.

kids get all the fun

This song is just a perfect soundtrack alongside reminiscing teh younger days, the good ol' days. For the past four days I've been torturing myself missing those days.

I'm close to shedding my tears the first time I heard this..well, If I'm not just in the OFC and no ones watching me, I would literally go with the emotion of the song and cry. Much overrated  as it sounded, but it is just so emotional, the wordings of the song really hit home.

Holy week

[late post]

Last week, I'm thinking of buying a rosary. I had one since my third year highschool that I put on my wallet but went invisible after 4 years. My sister gave me one again after the one went missing.

My point, I feel more the spirit of the rosary when it was given to me instead of me buying it. So, I'm having second thought on buying one that i just wanna ask someone to give me one and have it blessed. HAA!

Fast forward, we had mass at the office before the most holy days begins. On my side was a not-so-old man. I was amazed when I heard him respond to everything the preacher has been said and sing with heart and without hesitation. He smiles every time we look on his direction (I'm with two office mates). He seems to be a nice man.

At the end of the mass, this what most amazed me, he approached me, and handed me a rosary that was blessed.
Isn't it awesome that someone stranger approached you and handed you something important, mind you I was waiting that he'll ask for some money in return just like the others, I feel so grateful and blessed as if it the answer for my prayer. To have a rosary that was given and NOT bought. he was a lay minister (my mental confusing state of mind was secretly answered).

It's not a fancy rosary. It's just a simple one but I'm guarding it with my life. Its the thought that really counts. I considered it my lucky charm. Of course, alongside with hardwork and determination. Thought I'd share .

Btw, here's the pic.

What?

Interior designing top my list as to what I wanna be. I just don't have the heart to pursue it now. Maybe cos I want to pursue it when I'm already earning my own money. to be a doctor top the second, I have full packed strength to pursue it now. I'm just confused. Whatever . lol