put it all together

stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.stress.

I've been under a lot of stress.

I don't know what to wear!!!! I need it on saturday next week. I can not even find my solemate yet. been to north, gone to south, it's nowhere to be found. 


Add up the stressed, depression and pressure I got from unfortunate things happened lately. workin' berkin' crap. sighhhhh


Not to mention, the unnecessary roughness I feel in my throat right now. Must be my two days lack of winks and eats that cause my immune system to drop down so low. NO! vitamin C, load up.


I've been listening to Hoku's perfect day alot,like a lot lot lately. I don't know but it calms me ahead the stressing day. I don't need mozart or beethoven, this song can do me better. 

It's a pop song and it gives me energy.

feels like yesterday

[26th of august, 2010]

Open my eyes,it's already nine (9) in the morning. I saw the sun showing his might. I Bounce out of my bed and hurried down the stairs. 


[doing my usual morning habits]


Greeted my Mom, auntie and cousin a "good morning", eat breakfast and then fly upstairs to get my precious phone.


swipe to right my thumb and saw a 1 message received on the screen. The message goes like "lumabas na result ng boards", I don't remember who texted though. mixed of emotions i felt, excitement and nervousness.


I shouted to my housemates, " lumabas na daw result, paki-tignan. wag niyo akong bibiglain ah" as my heart goes thump-thump. Also called daddy to check-on the result. I started crying (imagine it's just 10 o'clock in the morning and i already have a zoombie eyes, red&puffy), i cry and cry and cry as I'm checking my FB on my phone (thank god to wi-fi).


And I even cry louder and harder when I saw my classmates and schoolmates and result waiting mates (who already saw the result) putting RN on their last name while my cousin shouted back at me "neng, wala pa naman result. di namin makita. anong site daw ba?"


"meron na, nakita na nga nila eh. may mga RN na nga pangalan nila". still crying, (after a minute or two) my auntie (mommy's older sister and was here for a vacation) went to our room and whisper to me, "neng, di ka nakapasa".


my sense of hearing are in the midst of whether to hear it or to heart it not. "sure ka? dinouble check nio ba?", "bawi ka nalang sa december, magdasal and magsimba ka kasi lagi". I didn't hear the following words she'd say.


I hugged my pillow tight, crying, still holding my phone and checking my FB profile once in a while if theres any congratulatory wall posts on it , to be sure just in case they were wrong (see how denial i am, it's much worst when you saw me that time).


i saw none, followed up by sympathy messages from my friends (who gladly passed), still! reality do not sink in.


after my auntie, my cousin, went up and hugged me and told me to stop crying 'cos there's next time. that those who made it just got enough luck.


but, I'm still crying. and then my mom went upstairs, told me the same thing. hugged and kissed me. calmed me. Called daddy again and told him I didn't make-it and thank God for the soothing-words from my parents and my sister who still have the guts to joke me up but I know she cares 'cos she texted me blaming herself from what happened to me. sweet.


five hours of non-stop crying, I must've gotten tired. I wiped my now dried-eyes, went downstairs with my hik-hik-hik sound. 


My auntie suggested that we go to the nearby church (we did). as I walked on the pathway on our way home, I can only feel the air kissing my cheeks and brushing off my hair away from my face.nothing else. 

...

after what happened, I'm close to deactivating my account. I can't stand to see the NRNs, posting like this and that. It crushing my heart to bits and the to bits and bits. I don't go to the bottle session invites. "victory" party. I'm literally socially shut-off.


I put myself in a shell as I ponder on the things that concerns me.


a month or two, when I broke the shield I built between myself and others. and thats also the time that I gained enough guts to see the results of the board that gave me so much heart pain.


I pick myself little by little, the pain remains, ofcourse! and with the support of my other co-losers (that time, HAA). I enrolled again to a review class where I wanted to review from the very beginning but because of the influenced of my friends and because I didn't want to be separated from them, i didn't choose.


I can managed to open my FB account once in a while (not every minute like before). I talk to my friends (not usual like before). i go to bottle sessions (not every invite like before). I'm near grounded. 


two (2) months focus on review equals to two months abstinence from pleasurable things. It been my mantra and as my mommy always used to say to me and I never nevermind, " two months, just two months then you can do whatever you want." and I never regret every little sacrifices I made that time.


looking back at my first review and the things I've done those times, I realized that I unconsciously took it for granted as I compared it to how determined, serious and focus I am at my second review.


I wake up early everyday to review before going to class. I go to church every after review. I learned to be patient. I learned to be dead serious with my duties as a review e. I never felt this positivity before. I never felt so inspired (minus literal inspiration). 


I am the epitome of energizerbunny. HAA!


if you read my previous entries, you'll know its not my first time  to blog about my failure. I can't help myself, it's been my biggest wake-up call to be quite serious about life.


I get my strength and my hopes from myself, from the people who believed in me and from God.


2010 has been my unlucky year add-up that I'm heartbroken. CHOS
I promised that my 2011 will be sunny no matter what happened and I thank God he heard me. thanks, you papa jesus.


It was december of 2010 when i took my second test and first quarter of 2011 when the result was released. same reaction that of august except that I cry because I am happy. triggered happy :) uhm, well.


The invisible weight faded-out and the emotional wounds healed in snap.


It's exactly one year today that happened all the heart aches, losed hopes, faded dreams. I din't let it affect me, turned out to be my pushing gem to keep me going.


" I did it". the most beautiful words I've heard myself saying after a long time. received the precious congratulatory messages i was aiming for since last year. YES. the smile from my parents lips knowing that I made them so proud of me. priceless. hugs from my friends as they congratulate me. wow


bitterweet memories, thought I'd share.

[take one, july 2010]

the day before the Big day

mass at SBC-mendiola with co-eastwest reviewes

review center's themed song, "one moment in time"

friends and classmates

self-review???
srzly , I'm in my serious mode. #chosnachos

at starbucks, i think it's one week before the exam. gearing-up

only shows

B.O.N voyage. game over celebration with friends

to unwind, tarlac

unwind at tagaytay

part of the graduation gift. 3months delayed, worth-it though.
iloveSG
i miss the BBQ sting ray #craving

one week after the result has been released, "grieving" party

good 'ol beer

picked up the pieces. goodvibes again

for Ol' time sake

[take two and last, december 2010]

srzly, I am serious this part :)~

starts my second review

anatomy, kill me. now

we failed,

but we get up

we don't lose hope,

until we can say," yes, we did it". RN na kami.

double celebration: B.O.N voyage 3 and Bbabies christmas party

If there is one thing i should be thankful for,for failing, is that i get more mature. on handling things, on handling my life, on everything.


I learned my lesson the painful way, but at least I'm one year over now. I can now laugh with the dramas and emo notes i wrote on my planner/journal from last year.


the downiest past brings the brightest of tomorrow. I'm smiling as I wrote this.

back in the 776 BC

...it will make you feel like one of the god/ddesses.

Percy Jackson and the Olympians: the lightning thief.

watched the movie just today and i am WOW like that, it was the best movie i've ever seen everrrrrrrrrrr! it made me wanna marry a god, preferably Papa P. and i mean not Piolo pascual but, Poseidon..yess, you read it right..the god of water poseidon, whatever, he he -i♥water- and he's good looking too, in the movie atleast. HA HA HA. and the heroine, he is a total hottie, now... feel y'self burning? :)





...and then some didn't agree, as quoted "it's the worst movie i've ever seen". am like co'monalisa, is there any based-on-the-book movies betterer than of the book per se? is there? none!


even the harry potter movies (a fan here, just sighting examples)didn't came-up as good as its books, see.my.point? get.my.point? clear, now?


haven't read the book before i watched it so idk how F A R it is - as they say- from the original percy jacksons' story. but talk 'bout tha movie, it couldn't be anymore like awesome. yey, chase awesome!!! the only 'negative' thing i've noticed in the movie was that, well they should make it at least 2 hours and 30 mins (HA!)c'mon, m-m-m-me-me-mek it.


i'm all cranked-up for the next percy jackson and the olympians: the sea monsters.. big tickle, triggered! :)) 2012, come fast!c-c-come on.

bend it like Beckham

bending the rules can sometimes bring you good, 

......am no football fan not until along came MY Schrock who turned my world like a blizzard: turn it upside-down (HiHi), it have now my obsession :)

storyline: The daughter of orthodox Sikh rebels against her parents' traditionalism by running off to Germany with a football team (soccer in America).


iSay: David Beckham fanatics, gather here! the demi god is here, in the film....only behind TVscreens. HAA! his photos and videos had more than just a cameo-role. you'll burp!


The movie was okay, lots of funny scenes though it was far from what i expected it to be- high hopes makes you low- ...but it'll inspire you to pursue THE DREAM of your dreams, no matter what comes in the way as long as you really want it. own it and you'll have it.

eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

would you erase me?

"only the heart can remember, what the mind forgets." and only the heart can feel, what the mind can't perceived. -jaky

storyline: 
A couple undergo a procedure to erase each other from their memories when their relationship turns sour, but it is only through the process of loss that they discover what they had to begin with. 


krysteen say's: be ready with your kleenex, this movie will def. make you cry in an instant.the film is pretty boring at first but turned into w o w as it goes along.it's an awesome film. the people behind this are sure geniuses. IDK if such thing really do exist but I hope that I can undergo with it m'self. erase all the bad memories and leave only the lessons I've learned and the good ones, it'll be a breath-of-fresh-air.

eyecandy

movies lineup:

...messy hair,no make-up on, in pajamas: there are no other ways to spend the rainy days than lazing in divan and watch amazing films.☺ -jaky

The legend of the Guardians,

...On his way to finding a legend...he will become one.

Happy Feet,

...WARNING: May Cause Toe-Tapping.

How do you know,

...After being cut from the USA softball team and feeling a bit past her prime, Lisa finds herself evaluating her life and in the middle of a love triangle, as a corporate guy in crisis competes with her current, baseball-playing beau.

spread,

...It's a business doing pleasure.

ballet shoes,

...dreams do come true.

easy A,

...Let's not and say we did.

ramona and beezus,

...A Little Sister Goes A Long Way.

santa claus 3,

...His time at the North Pole is about to go South.

scott pilgrim vs. the world,

...An epic of epic epicness. Get the hot girl. Defeat her evil exes. Hit love where it hurts.

sharpey's fabulous adventure,

...Sharpay Evans travels to New York where she is pursuing a Broadway career but it's her dog who lands an acting gig first. watch-out for the pink/green burberry luggage, you will just spell w o w.

something borrowed,

...It's a thin line between love and friendship.

sweet home alabama,

...Sometimes What You're Looking For Is Right Where You Left It.

under the tuscan sun,

...Life offers you a thousand chances ... all you have to do is take one.

you again,

...What doesn't kill you... is going to marry your brother.

arthur,

...Meet the world's only lovable billionaire. wait 'til you meet the billionaire boys club (hihi)

no strings attached,

...Friendship has its benefits

The Girl and then, there's The boy

on screen, 




storyline:

Penelope. A modern romantic tale about a young aristocratic heiress born under a curse that can only be broken when she finds true love with "one who will love her faithfully".

krysteen say's: The movie is sort-of like the "BEASTLY"(scroll down),because they're both cursed. But overall, they have completely different story line: the first story is about love yourself, no-matter-what first before someone can love you back whole heartedly despite of the fact that you're ugly...on the outside. And the second story is about not being boastful, in-spite-of because what you inside is better than what you outside. They have both lessons to be learn thou.
PS: i like the non-blue blood guy, so gwapo. LOL and Alex Pettyfer(beastly), you are what? a sight to behold! 
beastly,watched this last summer...and I'll be one with who say's: LOVE is never ugly. HAA! My legs go all wobbly while watching b'cos, as you can see...even with that Beastly face-on, He Already!♥ how many X will I say that again, le'see. HA HA. Nuh, b'cos really...set all-things aside... he is, Already!

...see??? He already, Alex, Oh Alex, dear Alex. lol

storyline:
Kyle (Alex Pettyfer) thinks he is God's gift at his high school. He plays a prank on a fellow high school student, Kendra (Mary-Kate Olsen) who, unbeknown to him is a witch. Kendra teaches him a lesson by putting a curse on him making him as beastly on the outside as he is on the inside. He has one year to find someone to fall in love with him or stay like that forever.
Written by Anonymous