playing pretend

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the Life you've always wanted".

When I was a little girl, I always play-pretend being a Teacher and a Doctor.I imagined my adult self teaching or healing people. At that young age, around four or five, I thought I knew what I really wanted when I to become when I grow-up.

Pre-teen years, I stopped playing pretend. I set aside the thought of me being a teacher or a doctor. I always admire my grandfather, he is a lawyer and one of the best in his profession, so I told myself that I wanna be a lawyer just like him. I was sure then with my decision to take up accountancy-law. 

Highschool graduation, still sure. I was about to take up entrance exam in accountancy when my grandfather told me to take-up nursing instead. He said, " mag-accountancy ka? maraming accounting ang walang trabaho. buti sana kung mag-lalaw ka, eh hindi mo naman kaya."  At that moment, my vision of future become a blurry. I know my grandfather meant no harm and just want the best for his grandchildren, I didn't take his words negatively instead I used it as my motivation surviving college- giving up the course you were sure of or so yo thought for so many years and taking the course that had been decided for you are not easy.

I passed the nursing board exam, still weren't sure about my future. I never thought of pursuing medicine until I was about to enter the Philippine police- this I know I don't want.

Now, I am taking Medicine, sometimes the path become blurry but I am sure that stopping this may give me regrets for the rest of my life. There's one more thing I am sure about- to be an interior and furniture designer. But I am not making it a priority, not until i finished medicine. Believe me, it's the one thing I always think about when I am about to shut my eyes aside from stopping medicine. 

struggle,

struggle.

#retailtherapy: laking national

National bookstore is my instant pick me upper place.

I picked a few items that could add up to my pen collection.

Too much

A girl with an endless worries. Thinking, planning, worrying and, more worrying. There was never an action. She seems afraid to face tomorrow, maybe traumatized by what happened in the past. Her positivity is draining from her body. Her sense of refuge is disappearing right from her very eyes.

Breathe, more deeply... Hoping she can save her sanity. Thinking about the what if's that can ruin her. She knows, she knows but she can't stop. Worrying makes her feel productive, at the same time it drained her.

"What else can be the option?" She asked. Maybe, the solution is to wait for the right time to come, she thinks. Like, things will fall into place magically when they already have to be and where they should've be in the first place.

Thinking. Thinking.worrying.then thinking. Then worrying. A cycle, only it has holes. Bumpy ride.

X

November, can't get any better

Okay, there's a lil' sarcasm in the title. But wait, counting the exams, quizzes, preceps and other school works our professors promised to give us justify the title. DUHWTVR

So there,  I'm counting the days 'til the next vacation begins, which is the Christmas break, btw. Just ended-up the sembreak with a bang but dang, the hangover still hunting me. I got a bit shocked on the first day of second sem 'cos srzly the past two weeks was one hella fun.

I.just.think.abt.fun.and.lived.in.dreamland and reality is just cruel, I present to you my evidences below:

October 25: Lab. Conference
November 06: Small group discussion
november 12: Neuroanatomy module 4 long exam
november 13: Physiology quiz
             preceptorial
november 15: Physiology module 7 LE
november 16: anatomy quiz
november 19: IC LE
november 20: histology LE
november 21: histology lab LE
             biochemistry LE

(and the list goes on)

life.

sisters from another misters

I'm so psyched thinking that I will get another chance to spend quality time with two of my few best gal pals.

We've met in college, we have been friends together since. We see everyday at school (even after school, "bottle" moments.. ugetit? lol), we share chikka's, countless lols, and what not. 

fast forward, separation anxiety comes into play when we graduated. We walked on different paths, one leave the country for good, we rarely saw each other since then. 

Everytime we got a rare chance to be together, we assure its going to be worth it, full of fun and stories that has been itching to be told. 

Coming back to the present. Good ol' friends lightens up the mood when things overshadow with doom (and in my case, its MedSchool). It always calms me just thinking that I have them behind me. Ready to catch me when I fall, Assist me when I get weak, listens to me when I needed someone to listen to me ranting and what others a good pal will do. 

my kind of OCPD

It's my exam tomorrow. And guess wutt I'm doing. 

The mess in my room are gettin' on my nerves and I don't have the heart to just ignore it :P

unclear.

WARNING: This is random!


How I miss my good ol' friend.The "friend" where I can let my emotions out without the fear to be criticize... simply, cos' it can't talk like that. LOLJK. nuff with the non-sense intro.

I miss blogging, it's something that I took for granted in EONS. There's so much I should've blog about, from the day I started working on my first ever work experienced up to the life-wrecking decision that I made. TO SUM IT UP, there are so many things that I wanna breath-out my system but chose to hold-it for this long 'cos I can't find words how to say it. how to express it. maybe 'cos of exhaustion almost from everything.

Pictures stored in my internal HD, and words stuck in my head. when can I let it all out? perfectly? I don't know. Anxiety goes up every sunshine, ( I am a freshman, medStudent. just so you know where I'm getting all my anxiety, stress, depression and the like. it's no joke.... no joke) , feeling of hopelessness feeds me brekky, frustrations, pressures adds up to the bitterness of my morning. 


I'm quite proud of myself that I can able to control my bed epiphanies at this point in time, but then I realized that the "just woke-up" bed epiphanies is much worst that that. It's more of reality, Facing reality... whatever....


There's sooooo much things that I need to learn. and read! All but something new to me. No dissensitation at all, no gradual process. It's an "absorb it" or "not at all" thing that should happened in a snap. It's difficult, 'cos it doesn't ring a bell at all. 


I'm losing control of whats happening in my life right now, even writing on my planner has been a major task. I know they'll say that best thing happens unplanned. but this kind of "life" i chose should always be on plan or else.... it's like the domino effect, all else will fall and wrecked.

I never learned time management. That's what I'm paying for it right about now. It's hard if you're not sanay at all. but I just have too. It's part of the progress, my progress, for my better tomorrow.

I know God's with me, family and friends who's praying for me. My faith bent a bit forward at times when I lose it, this whole thing is driving me wildly insane. I'm trying to keep my life on track and hope that when I woke-up all my craziness, dilemmas and what not will fade with my dreams.

MedSchool is suicide. believe me. but it'll be worth it. I know. Someday, I'll read about this post with a sweet smile on my face. I'm excited for that day to come. just like when I rant about my upcoming NLE here two years ago, I'm already a nurse. :)

sweetlife. hugs!
okay, back to reality.

what could be more happier

before, I was happy and contended....

and then this came along....

Nothing can be more worth the wait than fulfilling a dream... It takes days, months, years or even ones whole life to fill it, but whats important is the rare happiness it'll bring in the end. the contentment that some ppl are deprived to feel.

ALot of ppl asked me, " do you really wanna pursue medicine?", "another years of studying, are you sure about that?". Just pondered it now, I will not waste another 4 to 5 years of my life to something I am not sure about. It's an old dream of mine, when I was kid, I was fascinated ertime I see doctors wearing those white gowns with stet as their necklace. I even imitated them alot of times... forgotten that dream for quite a long time, I thought that I can be contended with me being a nurse (not that I'm belittling the profession, Its just that nursing profession is not for me, I can't imagined myself working in the hospital, taking doctor's orders. I have high respect to nurses, it's not just my game), But my old dream has come along way to knocked on my doors and me, don't have the heart to shooo it away. so here I am, an incoming freshman med student this coming June. 

I may have chose the rough road now, but its gonna be all worth it. worth it. This is my dream, an old dream. All we want in this mortal land as mortal ppl is to be happy, fulfilling ones dream is finding way.. or making way..at least to happiness.  

Fulfilling an old dream is my game. wish me luck.

melancholy

To begin with, the original title would be "what's up NMAT" nothing special. I just want rhyming. But everything turns down and theres is no other way that I can turn it up. get me? sure you do :)


I don't wanna feel like all ghetto but the exam result were quite upsetting that I cannot help myself not to be really upset. Like the song goes, " I did my best, but I guess my best wasn't good enough", I felt ashamed for myself for thinking what I gave was my bestest when in fact I didn't give any much effort on my review.


I will not tell you what did I get 'cos its way too shameful to share via intrawebs. I'd rather keep it unnoticed under my racks. I have prepared myself not to expect so high 'cos I know my limits but I have never prepared myself to get that so low I'll even would've drown myself. just imagine. try try to imagine and put yourself on my shoes, you'll be upset. Assurance guaranteed.


I've been dreading myself for the past two months about this whole THING but I guess all those time I'm not even starting preparing myself for this whole new journey Iem' going to ride into and sometimes it makes me think that Iem' only doing all this to escape from the bitter reality, workstuff speaking. Guess mom was right, as always. 


Avoiding bed epiphanies are much better but at this time when Iem' pressure and about I just cannot ignore it just like that. Sometimes it leads me to some more sensible epiphanies that'll end up to the start of something that sometimes means a good beginning. But, really, insights are much better to come in the morning.  Mch more tolerable that way. 


BTW, to those who are planning to take up NMAT exams:


- it is given every april and december every year.
- filing of application is two months before the test via online. just visit the cem.com or simply google NMAT. Some instructions were given on the site.
- after all the payments were settled, check the what to bring during exam, check your room assignment and school (release two weeks before the day) and what not.


review: 


- I don't go to a review center, I just borrowed a compiled reviewer from a friend who's now in his first year of medicine. Some other says that MSA review materials were way too leveled-up. IDK since I haven't had the chance to scan some MSA nmat reviewers.  
- highschool (chem&physics) books are bible they say too. So, you might want to pull the dusty boxes out under your bed.


the exam:


- bring food (optional) just to save you time and energy. Exam starts at 8am (be there atleast 6am to save you from the hassles- there will be a long line before you can enter your assigned bldg-) and finish at 11am. break is for 1 hr & 30 m before the part two of the exam begins.
- one pencil is enough just bring sharpener though.
- candies, water, gatorade and stuff are permitted. 
- exam will finish at 3:30/ 4:00 pm depends on what time you've started.
- computation are at peak in mathematics (stating the obvious), but nothing much on chemistry and physics. no calculators allowed, FYI.


I know Iem' not the right person to be talkinh this to you well y'know , but I just wanna give the newbie takers some insights about NMAT. Hope it'll help.


Iem' planning to take up again on April 2012, and hopefully in God's willing I'll give it a kick. God bless us all.

moderate anxiety

To be a doctor was my childhood dream. A dream that never come to mind I would pursue. All that was happened, happening and will happen: NMAT review, NMAT exam, not pursuing the copjob thing, bummerments are, but a product of my snap decision, realization and whatnot. 

photo source: weheartit

I clearly remember, when I was still in my sophomore year that Iem' all excited to graduate and work abroad. A typical mindset of a nursing student. But, as time goes by, as I didn't notice that Iem' starting to enjoy my college life that I wished it would last longer than four-years.

Mixed emotions I feel when the school President handed me my diploma. Happy 'cos the sufferings intended for a student already has its booming fruits, but not to mention the upcoming review for the nursing licensure exam. much more suffering is needed. And, Sad 'cos firstly, I'll be separated with my friends and classmates with whom I spent my everyday with for the last four-years of my college life, secondly, IDK what life awaits me as I enter the more mature part of life. I realized that, Life is not all play. 

five months and counting, as I graduated from college. still no work. How Iem' dreading myself to have work before, and now, when all the opportunities are around, I get stuck and feel lost. 

fast forward,

two years of my life in a bummer mode is such a waste of time. I mean, too many things should've been done in that span of time. But then, in some of my bed epiphanies, where certain life decisions and whatnot happened, that I think its not a waste at all. 'cos during those times that I discovered more of a positive side of myself that I believe wouldn't be possible if I study medicine right after I jumped out of college. yes, its too much realization and sometimes it still overwhelms me. 

Iem' fully decided to pursue medicine next year that is why I'm dying myself to understand mathematics/chemistry/physics and other sciences needed for the exam which is very very hard since I took those up six years ago. MEH.

I know myself, I never been this dedicated, panic and sure all my life except the NLE review days, its too different, its a life changing experienced. That's all my positivity gained back and refresh. where work and play and pray all balanced. It been my basic foundation for the upcoming difficulties I may encounter.

About the exams, 

University of the East Medschool topping my list which is why Iem' aiming for atleast 65% total average score on NMAT. seconded by San Beda medschool.  IDK if I can make it but God willing it will.

hearttalk,

Iem' considering San Beda Med school because of the lesser adjustment I'll make since I studied my pre-med in the institution. UE had me for a practical reason that it is at top 3 medical school in the Philippines. Iem' kind of confused. HHAAALLLLPPPPP!

yes

Should you apply to medical school? Is a career as a doctor for you? Sure there are lots of pluses to being a doctor, first and foremost the prestige - you get to be called "Doctor" and everyone knows that you're the best of the best because not only did you get into medical school, but you finished. But there it takes more to succeed in medical school than simply a desire to be called "Doctor." Is medical school and a career in medicine for you?

• Are you prepared to consistently keep long hours?

• Can you manage high levels of stress over a long period? Exam-related stress? Saving-live-related stress?

• Are you prepared to deal with the potential for malpractice suits? Do you know how much malpractice insurance costs and who will be responsible for it when you are a practicing physician?

• Do you have the motivation to remain dedicated over years of education and training?

• Can you afford tuition? Living expenses? Note that education debt will likely run well over $100,000 and often to $200,000 for medical school alone, not including any debt related to obtaining an undergraduate degree.

• Are you prepared to sacrifice the time, sleep, and social life needed to succeed?

• Do you love science?

• Are you squeamish?

• Can you afford the time? You likely will not graduate medical school until 26-27 years of age, assuming that you enter straight out of college. Then you will enter three years of internship and residency. After residency, some doctors focus on a particular specialty. Plan on continuing your training well into your 30s.

Know what you're getting into. Medical school (and residency) isn't like Grey's Anatomy. You will work hard - lots of studying, long hours, and often it will not be fun. A career as a doctor can be exhausting, stressful, and yet amazingly rewarding. If you have a strong desire to learn medical science, as well as to help, as well as academic, social, and organizational skills, a career in medicine might be for you. 

(source: is medical school for you?)

...

The prestige to be called a Doctor was one of my many reasons why I wanted to pursue Medicine. During one of my bed epiphanies, Iem' imagining myself as a full pledge Doctor, giving my service to those in need, stressing myself over them. In exchange to the exhausting day-to-day scenario is the euphoric feeling it gives you when you hear the word Dra. attached before your name.


But, as I dig deeper thru my feelings, the wow factor of being called a "Doctor" is just a part of a reward for being patience with the patients for giving one's most time to give and meet their needs. 


Yes, the career I've chosen to enter was exhausting and stressful. But, yes, it is also amazingly rewarding. This day and age I surely say, Being a Doctor is a childhood dream that I wanna fulfill. Not just because of the prestigious name attached to the package but the passion burning inside to help others. Iem' willing to treat patients (really needy) without expecting in return, thats how passionate Iem'. 


Currently, Iem' dreading myself whether which school I am going to spend the next 4 or 5 years of my life. I am thinking of UE 'cos its my dream school plus they have own hospital. Iem' also considering Beda 'cos of lesser adjustments I'm going to make since I studied my pre-med in the same institution. myyyyyyyy

what happened today

Go with Mom at CityLand tower, Ortigas,  to buy her 2 weeks supply of medicine at Wellness and Rejuvenation by Dr. Robin Navarro. -This is a free promotion :p - If ever you knew someone who's suffering from any form of illness like cancer, HPN, and more, I'll tell you, bring them to Dr. Navarro. He does wonder. three closest to mine -inc. mom- was treated. His way of healing is like bringing you back to the BCs, all natural and organic.

I am planning to take up medicine next year and I was inspired by the way he treats his patients. No surgery and stuff, But feeling a-whole-lot-better after guaranteed. I want to specialize in cellular and biochemical medicine, I'm so envious of him. So geniasssss. And add up my fear for surgery and my personal beliefs in natural way of healing. THIS already!:D

Why not give it a try? You'll never regret. I guarantee y'll.

don't judge. I'm n'a hurry.

sanrio wallet
a gift I asked from mom for my 21st 
-still finding courage to ask for an iPhone. HEE- Dad?
it's pink, okay though 

Then I headed to trinoma to meet a friend -Sheena- who's here for a very short "vacation". 

me and xee

at

'crepey' monday

ring -girlshoppe-
if you had read my previous blogs
you'll know how obsessed I am with peacocks

It has been a busy day, But, I had a lot of fun. How I love being from one place to another. How I love being inside a moving vehicle that's off to nowhere. Oh Life. I am very tired though. My left knee hurts soo bad. But, I am not complaining about all the galas, its a blessing. more please? :)


Another "marathon" for tomorrow. #bringiton