mad decision

Some love&hate collide situation here.


I don't know what am I thinking when I finally agreed to try my beginners luck as an applicant in the world that men mostly dominates.


I must've been psyched with the idea of the job itself. I mean, it's not so me. No, No, lemme' rephrase that. IT'S NOT ME!!! (I wanna dress-up, put make-up, do photoshoots, travel, be a boss and the like) and never even in my wildest dreams that I think I'll become one (in Gods will) sooner than later. CLUE: men in blue.


What happened in the last five years was out of my planner. Where I had been was a full surprised. well, partly. before going to college,I remember saying, " I don't like nursing and never well I take up nursing". ending? I have RN on my last name now. And then there's moment, while pondering on some things, I don't want to be one with men in blue. ending? It's the first job I applied for.


my point is, things that I've given less attention before has became & become now my greatest priority.road map. some twist of fate? I guesso.


After months of fighting and resisting the urge to quit, I know deep in my heart that somehow I found passion with the profession I'm going to be in.


I can not stop thinking with the bumpy rides I'm going to take to get there, but as long as I can ignore the midnight thoughts, I'll continue to walk with hope 'til i reach my destination.


There will be detours, I know. But I also know myself as a pusher on anything I start doing. I'm writing this because I am pressure more than words.


Like tomorrow, applicants and that includes me will be having our  HT&wT. Just the thought of going there makes me wanna pee. I can not ignore the pressure and the nervousness I'm feeling just like that, it hits my nervous system bigtime.


It announced as a surprised. And it only takes a conditioned mind to accept it wholeheartedly. I am raving about the whole process not just the HT&WT per se. I am all nerves.


I am waiting for the call last month, I received it just today when my physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and all it takes to be human preparedness level was ocean deep. OHGAAA


Glad Mom will accompany me tomorrow. but still.


Goodvibes, bee hives.


I shall sleep na. Goodnight